Live like you mean it and love til you feel it (rei17) wrote,
Live like you mean it and love til you feel it

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It's not about the money, money, money (except it really is)

I met with maddle yesterday which was nice and actually made me feel better about some stuff. Like, it DOES help to realize growing up is hard for everybody and we all have the same shit to deal with, like "how do I pay rent" "oh my god my insurance fees are killing me" and all the financial commitments and they get more and more with every year.
Life has gotten so fucking expensive and sometimes it scares me shitless that I'm all on my own in this. Like nobody else is paying for me, neither a partner or the state or my mum, it's my earnings or nothing and it frightens me. Because sometimes shit happens and I have to pay for really expensive stuff and everytime I'm like "shit! shit! I don't have that money" and I scramble, and in the end somehow it works but it gives me a heart attack every time.

Writing is not happening at the moment. It's part depression and anxiety that keep me from doing much of anything and it's the workload at the hospital that adds to my depression because it makes me feel even more tired all the time. It's like an endless circle of tiredness.
And I keep thinking about reducing it, because I can't go on like this anymore - but it scares me shitless because of said financial commitments I have and that keep growing and growing.
Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in a room full of people and scream and scream and nobody listens. Not even my friends.
I should probably just get over myself. I try. It's not working so far.

Aside from life (which is sucky at best) - Teen Wolf is like my oasis. I try not to think about much else but TW, because everything else makes me want to cry (even more XD).
If you have any h/c recs, especially about s3b I would eat them up with a spoon. I need aftermath comfort galore and all the pack!feels. I'm totally on board for Sciles, Sterek and Scydia (and honestly, everything with Malia, because I adore Shelley Hennig). ;-) So gimme, gimme, gimme please?
Tags: life sucks (and then you die), teen wolf
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